FILM CHALLENGE: 84) Twilight

84) Twilight

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Year: 2008

Plot Summary: A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire.

After being strapped to a chair with my eyes held open by machinery, I was forced to endure the first part of the Twilight saga, a franchise that has teenage girls flocking to the cinema like moths to a flame, for the second time last night. Unfortunately, the obsession and the adoration that these girls have for the films is the only thing about Twilight that somewhat resembles emotion. It's one of the most lifeless, cold and empty movies that I've ever seen. If the Cullen family think they're deprived of life, they clearly haven't sat through their movie yet.

The reason why is that the film's main characters, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, have no chemistry, no spark and no connection whatsoever to make their romance at all emotionally involving to the viewers. Essentially, it's two hours of nervous glances, awkward conversations and uncomfortable passion.

Moreover, neither character has any personality - no likes or dislikes for example - and, therefore, it feels like you're watching two inanimate objects for the most of Twilight's running length. Many of the Twi-hards will argue that Edward is supposed to be mysterious. Be that as it may, what's their excuse for Bella? Almost everyone in the school and the town seems to be making a fuss over her, but there's actually nothing likeable about her whatsoever. She doesn't do anything that would attract anyone to her, she treats her friends like shit and she spends the whole time - despite having everything a girl could want - walking around in a sulk. Her spoiled, emotionless, miserable attitude makes her the single worst character to be conceived in this generation's pop culture. It doesn't help, mind you, that Kristen Stewart's acting is nothing short of abysmal.

Furthermore, there's so much of the story that feels, well, pointless. I know that Jacob becomes very important in the following films, but what does he actually do here except to turn up every now again and have a little chat with Bella? The same thing can be said for the likes of Victoria who's power and dangerousness is built up in the start of the third act and only then appears on screen in the final shot. Hell, I don't think she does anything in the second film either!

Even the minor characters suffer from this same fate as Bella's high school friends seem to exist only for the sole purpose of comic relief. Even then, aside from one fairly amusing line by Anna Kendrick, who is a wonderful actress, they really aren't that funny.

In terms of its style, well, Twilight is an embarrassment. While the far superior TV series True Blood has been able to craft a sensual yet eerie atmosphere, and the Swedish movie Let The Right One In, which doesn't deserve to be compared to Twilight in the slightest frankly, was poetically haunting, Catherine Hardwicke has no idea what to do with the film.

The same can be said for both Melissa Rosenberg and the novel's author Stephanie Meyer who quite clearly try their best to make all of the ideas fit together to the point of becoming forced. At one point, I asked my girlfriend, who I watched the film with, "Why are the bad guys so determined to kill Bella?" to which she tried to explain that they enjoyed 'the hunt' and 'the challenge'. To me this feels like a pathetic attempt by the writers to find some motivation behind their actions even when it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

How people find enjoyment in this I just don't understand. There's nothing touching or moving about it whatsoever, the main character makes me want to scratch my eyes out and the whole thing is so badly made.

However, I'm giving it one star just for the fact that it uses a Radiohead song in the credits. Sure, it doesn't suit the mood of the film at all, but at least it'll turn some people onto what enjoyment really is.

1/5

By Daniel Sarath with 4 comments